Are Connections between Animals and Humans too Tight?
November 16th, 2009
Do some people have connections with animals that are stronger than the ones they have with other humans?
There was an interesting show on ABC’s 20/20 this past Friday. It got me thinking about this issue. I know of several people, personally, who feel they have a better connection, and get more love, from their animals than they do with other humans. Is that because of their personality? Is it because of the way they were raised? Are the animals they have are more loyal and loving than people? What is the answer?
In the world today we seem to be drifting farther and farther apart from the people in our lives, yet we need them more and more. We have more natural disasters, higher unemployment, higher living expenses, etc. Are we all becoming so stressed that the connection and unconditional love we get from animals, has become more soothing and needed than other people are?
I know when I am having a hard day, and feel overwhelmed, I put my head next to my sleeping ferret. I seem to be able to breathe better, and deeper, when I listen to her breathe and heart beating. It’s like a mini vacation for my inner self. I can’t explain it other than two spirits connecting somehow. It has become my stress reliever. Whenever something happens to her I’m not sure what I will do. It’s not like I can buy another Bessie (that’s her name). It’s like being in that “special” relationship. Physically you can be with someone, but do you really feel deep “love”…the same as when you are really “in love” with someone? From the outside it looks the same but in your core you know the difference.
Here are a few examples of the women on 20/20.
1. Margot. She has 3 cats. These cats are her entire world. She does admit that she is very lonely and in need of friends. The relationship with her animals might be to the detriment of finding people to share her life with.
Margot was an adopted child in an overachieving family. She felt she could never keep up or be good enough. She works as a receptionist but has longed for more. She feels she has not achieved what she should have at this time in her life. The cats love her for who she is and don’t judge her. These cats are what keep her going, yet she admits, she craves human closeness. She says people who know her have no idea how lonely she is. Since the show her three cats died. One died of feline leukemia. Another one was killed by a dog that was visiting the apartment — a tragedy which Margot is still reeling from. The third one died of old age. Now she has two new, energetic cats that she says she’s ecstatic about.
2. Jenny is 36 and a successful, fiercely independent sales agent. She has her own home and shares it with her family of 16 cats. She says she had a difficult childhood and it’s been a challenge to have a “normal” relationship so she turned to cats for the comfort and love she needed. She says she has always wanted to get married and have children. She still has hope but she is afraid she will end up with more cats and still nobody to share her life with. She says the best place to meet someone is the dog park. That won’t work for someone with cats.
3. Diane is 65 and spent most of her career as a high-powered banker. She was forced into an early retirement so she began spending more time on her passion, cats. Believe it or not Diane has been sharing her home for the pas year with 123 cats. She wants to save all of the cats that are on the street. She feeds them, nurses them back to heath and continues to trap more feral cats. She knows she is getting in over her head but can’t stop. She knows it’s a risk legally and health wise because she now lives in squalid conditions. She knows it’s taking a toll on her in many ways. She wants to stop and go back to the way her life was before saving these cats. She can’t even see her family that lives out of town because the cats need her.
How do you feel about the connection between humans and animals? Is there a point when the good feelings from being with animals are a hazard to your life? Do you think that certain people can live a life with only animals and others can’t? What about Jane Goodall, she lived with the chimps for all those years.
I work with these dogs and as far as animal behavior goes, I’m a firm believer in nurture and education. I’ve met Jack Russell Terriers that I would not go close to again, but have in no way had a awful practical knowledge with an American Staffordshire Terrier. If you are speaking about their owners- nicely, that’s a several story. Humans are creatures as well, and we have a tendency to each have our unique concepts about “moral concepts”.
Have you ever met someone who absolutely doesn’t like animals? I have and they are so self centered it’s frightening. Animals teach us love, commitment, and responsibility. When I pull in the drive the cats are on the window waiting for me and beat me to the door. The dogs stand huddled peeking around the corner towards the door, too afraid to move until they see it’s me. They’re shih tzus and obviously aren’t very good watch dogs. I guess they figure the cats with the claws can handle the intruders.
I prefer my 4 legged family members.
I think animals help us love people more. Many people have never loved anyone or anything at all until they adopt or help an animal. And this experience opens them to love as well as the capacity to share those loving feelings with humans more easily (hence successful animal therapy programs in prisons). Loving an animal can also open people to new degrees of loving feelings, perhaps more than they might have experienced prior. I say this just as my house rabbit sprints across the room and stops at my foot to get a rub, which he invariable does. The opposite is true too: people who abuse animals are usually not incapable of abusing other humans and often move on to exhibiting such behavior. By the way, if you can love your mother, husband and children all at once, relationships between animals and humans can’t be too tight (unless societally inappropriate). There’s room for lots of love in one’s life…and it goes around.
I grew up in an extremely abusive home, as a young child I frequently considered running away, killing myself, or killing my parents, the only thing that stopped me and kept me going was my dog. I couldn’t bear to leave him behind and couldn’t figure out how to take care of him if we ran away. He lived to be over sixteen years old, long enough for me to grow up and escape. I truely believe had I not had this dog, Prince (shephard/collie mix) I would not have survived my childhood.
I spent 38 years of my life repaying that kindness as a dog groomer. I share my life with dogs and continue to share special bonds and communication with them. I trust them and they trust me.
Hi JoAnna, I’m so sorry that you had to go through an abusive childhood. I know how much dogs can comfort you when things seem bleak. It’s like you can completely surrender yourself to them and not be rejected. I’m sure Prince was in your life to give you the strength to go on, and I’m glad you came out of that time in your life to make a wonderful new life for yourself.
It could hurt if you negate humans for animals. With balance you have fulfillment with everything. If you use your love of animals to make other’s lives better, that is what makes the relationship good. If you negate humans and put animals over people, then you are not building good relationships.
Hi Ann, you’re right – everything in moderation. If we could feel the way we do with humans as we do animals, this world would be a Utopia! There would be so much love!
Yes. My Lab wants to go pheasant and duck hunting every fall and he’s such a pain I take him just to stop his whining. This is putting stress on my relationship with my wife. I even bought a new gun this year so she could come with us.
I have two close friends that were BIG hunters when they were young. Now, one is a vegetarian and the other is leaning towards that. Neither of them have hunted for many years and they are both huge animal rights people. People can change, IF THEY WANT TO.
I think that a history of animal abuse shouldn’t be ignored when doing criminal investigations. People who hurt animals, don’t mind hurting people too.
We will not be able to heal this planet until we learn to respect all creatures around us, who are part of this world and have every right to be here and have their environment. Some outside, some inside.
So far we have been wiping out species from this planet for their fur, their teeth or just for fun, we slaughter them, we eat them, we abandon them, we starve them and make them suffer. Every day we take part of their environment away by growing our cities into their areas or by destroying nature.
And human kind is supposed to be the finest species in God’s creations? I would say that’s BS, until we learn how to appreciate and preserve what we are given and respect and love, all creatures including humans.
Hey Susan,on a more serious note,you are absolutely correct and you are making me scared!!!,when i was a kid me and my mates just go out there hurting the Agama lizards for fun and really those creatures are harmless,then we upgraded ourselves to hurting humans with different kinds of katapult “People who hurt animals, don’t mind hurting people too” . And human kind is supposed to be the finest species in God’s creations? Halleluyah !!! i don’t hurt anythignanymore but you are very correct
I didn’t mean to scare anyone, I just expressed my opinion about how we act as human race and I can get very, very passionate when animals OR people are being hurt.
I wouldn’t have liked you back then AT ALL, but I admire you now for the person you have become. Kudos to you!
No, they don’t hinder our human relationships, not any more than computers, TV, work, selfishness, anxiety or anything we make an idol of can “keep us” from making loving choices in our relationships with other humans.
In some instance they can teach us a thing or two about love.
Animals, like small children, are easier to have “relationships” with because they rely on and look up to us for their needs. We teach them, train them, raise them up so to speak, and they don’t have the vocabulary to really disagree or complain. That’s why animal cruelty is on par with heinous child abuse. Pets are not as challenging to deal with as people. Though I take my dog into consideration in my living space, (I have doggie steps so he can get up and down off the bed at night if he wants) my dog doesn’t care the color of the couch or the style of a table. If I gain a few pounds and a few wrinkles, he won’t abandon me for another guardian. (that’s why dogs are a symbol of fidelity) I don’t have to negotiate anything with my dog. Well, maybe about how long he wants to smell something on the street, he can sure have a way of gripping the sidewalk, all 10lbs of him, when he wants at something LOL. Cats are a little different, (witness the “Simon’s Cat” animations on YouTube) but the issues one has to “negotiate” with them are smaller and when they want attention? well who can resist a slide on the ankle or a purring kitty in your lap? people with allergies?
Animals can in some ways voice their disagreements, desires or needs by barking, doing their “business” in an undesirable to human way, biting. But, especially in the case of companion animals, they can be easily abused and exploited by their guardians. That is why it’s important that laws considering our responsibility to animal welfare be enacted, because they have no political voice or vote.
I gather your question is referring to people shunning human relationships and sticking with the fidelity of their furry friends? Well, some people can’t deal with the negotiation of a relationship, it’s “their way or the highway.” Their pets won’t give them any “guff” and, I think, to others, pets don’t pose the same risk of hurt and betrayal humans are capable of. Abused animals can develop this attitude toward humans as well, many times (like many pitbulls used for dogfighting) they can learn to trust again and be with people after experiencing loving care for a long time. But some can be so hurt, like poor Oreo at the ASPCA, NYC they can’t trust people anymore. Once burned…
Either way, it’s the humans not the animals that “keep them” from human relationships.
You hit the nail on the head! Animals enhance our lives and relationships. I wouldn’t want to live any life without pets!
I find people who cannot connect well with animals cannot connect well with humans. also, direct link between animal abuse and human abuse among other psycho-social disorders/criminal activity. the science is there.
You are absolutely right and I think that a history of animal abuse shouldn’t be ignored when doing criminal investigations. People who hurt animals, don’t mind hurting people too.
We will not be able to heal this planet until we learn to respect all creatures around us, who are part of this world and have every right to be here and have their environment. Some outside, some inside.
So far we have been wiping out species from this planet for their fur, their teeth or just for fun, we slaughter them, we eat them, we abandon them, we starve them and make them suffer. Every day we take part of their environment away by growing our cities into their areas or by destroying nature.
And human kind is supposed to be the finest species in God’s creations? I would say that’s BS, until we learn how to appreciate and preserve what we are given and respect and love, all creatures including humans.
There was this man who saw a scorpion floundering around in the water.
He decided to save it by stretching out his finger, but the scorpion
stung him. The man still tried to get the scorpion out of the water, but
the scorpion stung him again. Another man nearby told him to stop saving
the scorpion that kept stinging him. But the man said, “It is the nature
of the scorpion to sting. It is my nature to love. Why should I give up
my nature to love just because it is the nature of the scorpion to
sting?”
Tozie,that scorpion may be stinging out of love for the man poor scopion one can just see the motive behind the stings.
I think that if a person is kept from having a normal relationship with a person/people and they blame it on an animal, there is actually something not quite right about the human. It is completely counterintuitive to me that loving a non human animal would make it impossible for a person to connect with her/his own species.
I believe that animals can sometimes teach people how to have BETTER relationships and that without a doubt, relationships with animals can lead us to better relationships with our selves. Some people may (out of fear) decide to stop the process at the relationship with animals and avoid humans…but I don’t think that the animals relationship is responsible for that. These people would otherwise be totally alone, which wouldn’t automatically necessitate them deciding to form relationships with humans. Whether or not people who choose to have only animals in their lives have entirely healthy/holistic relationships with those animals is a whole other topic- an interesting one!
In the case of owning horses it certainly changes ones world like probably no other animal would. Except maybe a husky, which we do own, also. Once you own a horse your life slowly but surely starts to evolve around this four-legged companion. After a while your whole family is involved and before you know it you have become a horse enthusiast whom everybody from “the outside world” looks at bearing a big questionmark above their heads.
I believe humans benefit from animals.There are many different loves of animals. I live with two dogs and they daily contribute to my well being and my relationship with my family.
I have in the past fostered two dogs. One after 3 months I found a tremendous home and one stayed with me until her passing. This sweet girl was treated poorly,by her initial owners, and she had health issues and some aggression isssues. She believed in my family and we believed in her and did not give up. She blossomed and this wonderful Rottweiller Maxine lived to the age of 14years old and spent 3 1/2 years with us and taught us so much. We learned patience, true love, and we learned determination. She loved us and she was able to overcome her aggression and challenges. She was a wonderful dog and taught me so much. I miss her but more importantly my life has changed because of her and her determination to please and be part of our family. I was fortunate to have been part of her life.
So many people learn so much from there animals and feel such peace with there animal friends.
Everyone should have the experience of loving a pet.
This is an interesting question you pose. I know that all my life I’ve had a special bond and understanding with dogs. When it came time to do something different with my life, I knew it had to be something related with animals. Probably for me, I feel that dogs bring a love to my life that is complete. They don’t judge you and their love is so unconditional. When my parents died, I found it very comforting to be around them and just give them a hug and love on them. I’m probably one of those people that can relate to dogs better than people. It may be a personality flaw, but it works for me.
I use to work at Puppy Palace when I was in college. We had one red husky there that developed mange. This was right after I had started working there and knew practically nothing about dogs. The manager put this little puppy in the isolation area, in the backroom and except for at feeding times he had NO human or canine contact for about 3 months. When he came out of there he was so sensory deprived that the littlest noise would startle him and he would cower in the back of his cage when anyone came near him. I started by sitting on the floor in front of his cage and talking to him – then I opened the cage door and sat on the edge while I talked. I progressed to being able to put a hand on his head while I talked. Finally, he got to the point that he would play with the other puppies. I did not do this on my own, there was another salesperson who helped. He got so attached to us, that he would jump the gate if we left him alone in the play room and went up front. This all took about 6 months. Finally the company told us to sell him or destroy him. Luckily we found a couple who practically wept after we told them his story. They could not wait to take him home. I was fortunate to run into them several years later and learned that, though he was shy around strangers, he had become a very loved member of their family. This experience taught me patience, and that trust and love must be earned.
It’s not only our personal pets, but those we “touch” if we work at shelters or do volunteer work with pets. I volunteer at a kitten rescue here in Peoria Arizona and some of my favorite stories are from the Shelter. We rescue the babies….the little ones that are 8 weeks old or younger that most shelters will euthenize. In fact, we are the only shelter in the Phoenix metro area who will take in babies. We will also take in the mothers….if they can be caught. Once the babies are weened, they are spayed or neutered and then adopted to forever homes. The moms, too, are fixed and if socialable we find them a forever home. If they aren’t social, they go to live in our feral cat enclosure.
I like the snarky kittens (and moms). The ones that snarl and hiss at you, but when you look in their eyes you can see that they are just scared. One of my favorite stories…..
Bart……Because of my busy schedule, my volunteering consists of going to Petsmart and taking care of the babies that were waiting for their forever parents to come find them. Bart was a kitten that came to Blistered Whiskers as just a itty bitty baby. When I met him, he was at the Petsmart where we try to get kittens adopted. He was considered a poor candidate for adoption because he was shy and snarled at anyone who tried to pet him. Everyone was afraid to pick him up because he would pull his lip back and growl anytime anyone came close to his kennel. Those are the challenges I love. I immediately made a point of cuddling with Bart every day when I came into clean. He would snarl and hiss….I would grab him anyway, cuddle & kiss. Each day he would snarl just a little less, but I was really beginning to wonder if I could ever get him over his fear of people. Then one Monday, I came into Petsmart and walked over to the kitten kennels. I was tapping on the glass waiting for the sales associate to let me in when I noticed Bart pawing at the glass to get my attention. He had never done that before! I was so excited. When I got into the back room, Bart was waiting for me at the door of his kennel. He didn’t snarl or hiss. I can’t say he jumped into my arms, but he definately came to me for attention. He was adopted within a couple days of that and is so happy & content in his new forever home!
I also agree that we truly benefit from having animals in our lives!! They enrich it! In fact, when my husband and I were living in Germany while he was in the Army, we got a 4 year old cat. Our neighbor was very mean to him and thought it was funny, which we did not. I asked him if I could have him, since he was already at our house during the day everyday. His owner literally threw him out every morning. I, of course, opened my door and there he stayed until his owner came home. I spoiled him as well as my husband did. His owner said yes. Then a month later he said he wanted him back, which he did do. It was only a week and the owner came to our door and said the cat will have nothing to do with him, so he gave him back to us for good. The cat knew where he was loved and cared for. After 2 years being there, we brought him back to the U.S to home and then to our next station in Kansas. Many of our friends and some relatives said, He is just a cat, a dime a dozen. I wouldn’t do it if I were you. I wouldn’t spend all that money and trouble.” We’ll they weren’t us and we did! He remained with us until he passed at 15 yrs old. He was a very loyal, devoted member of our family and us to him. He was there when we had children and he loved them very much as well. They did as well. We all have very fond memories of him. We had animals since. I now have 2 large breed (mutt) dogs, 2 cats and 2 hamsters. Three of them from the local humane society. My boys are now 20 & 17 and are just as much of an animal lover as I am. My husband now says if we bring home another animal, he is moving out! The kids tell him, “O.K., go.” He just says, ” I guess I know where I stand in this house.” I just laugh. I don’t plan on having anymore animals at this time, so he is lucky. We have a full house!
In the 1990′s I adopted a Cocker Spaniel, Brittany, she was 6.5 yrs old. She acted like an old woman, was distrustful but there was something about her that touched my heart. It took a year of working with her to gain her trust. Once gained the bond between us was more than I have ever experienced. She became my pet soul mate. I learned to listen to her. A few months after getting her we went up the coast for vacation. She freaked out in the car. I don’t know what she was thinking at that point. But I stopped every 30 minutes and took her for a walk and tried to calm her down. We arrived, I took the crate up to the room with the rest of our belongings and she walked into the room with her head down.
I turned around and picked up the leash and I said lets go. She looked at me questioningly but obeyed. We started walking down the highway towards the ocean and a gentleman was coming towards us all of the sudden he started laughing and said what got into your dog? I looked down and her head was completely upright with the biggest smile ever seen and she started strutting and he saw her changes taking place……We went down to the beach and walked and played and she was fine the rest of the trip and had a ball. Whether she realized we were on vacation and I was not giving her away I will never know but I do know we broke a major barrier that day that changed her life as well as mine over the next months and years.
Prior to the trip I use to come up to her when she was sitting on the recliner and she would turn her head. One day I did the same thing she turned her head and then she swung around and licked me on my face and turned on her back for a belly rub. Watching the transformation taking place in her and how love can and will change things is the same that happens with humans.
My little girl went to the rainbow bridge in 2001 right after our last trip to the ocean…..I only had her for about 6 yrs and I would never ever trade those six years for anything.
It takes baby steps But it does work. Acknowleging the spirit of our furry ones is no different than acknowledging the spirit of the humans around us with love and respect.
Hello I am very happy to have grown up with animals and that my family found it necessary to teach us from kids on how to take responsibilities and respect for animals. This giving helped me become a better person. When I went abroad to study, I lived 10 hours of flying from my family and my dog was my support. Now 11 years later I still have her and 4 more. I could not figure how to be without animals around.
Here a saying which I agree with
“The more I hang around people, the more I love animals”
There is nothing like the love of an animal. They love and accept you for who you are.
I agree that we are all richer and better people because of our love for animals. I also was given the same advice from my mom about not dating men who are cruel to animals. She was absolutely right.
Hey my girlfriend changed her relationship attitude towards me since we got one just small tiny hamster called Blackie.the caring and loving for me just till now kept on increasing and getting better and better.In my case is jusst bbrings a positive atmosphere.I would not know how it will be with a snake thoungh but then i will run out.or always come home laate if at all.
Abidemi, you really do not want to do that. At the same time I dont want to sound as a speciest where I will prefer one animal over the other but lets face it they are not ment to be in our houses in the first place. What is cool for a dog or cat wont be cool for a snake or tiger.
Here is one example, one of many, of the way animal company can help people learn how to socialize.
Older people are often neglected by their own families, some are fortunate enough to have an entry on a social center.
Animals like cats and dogs mostly, are brought to those nursery homes inviting people to touch and establish a bond with the animal.
This is said to improve social behaviour in people that, due to their traumas, have no will to believe in anything not even the fact of being alive!
This is just one kind of help they can bring by just beeing there, don’t forget the kids with all sorts of problems, that are learning and beneafiting from the same “treatments”.
My boyfriend says I love my orange tabby, BJ, more than him! But I think he has gotten over it. We sleep with BJ and his four friends. I just got Jeff to foster 6 kittens from our local shelter since he has no pets and can quarantine. Plus I got him to post a spay & neuter article to his campfiregrill.com website. Oh, he also stayed with the cats and my five bunnies while I was out of town! So even though he doesn’t have any pets of his own, he still has a huge heart. I am working on him!
My mother told me some good advice when I was a teenager- Never date a man who is not nice to animals, and never marry a man who doesn’t have a dog!
I’m definitely a better person due to my experiences with the animals that have graced my life. It reminds me of a quote I came across when I lost a precious dog of twelve years. “She was my friend, my partner, my defender, my dog. I was her life, her love, her leader. She was mine, faithful and true to the last beat of her heart. I owed it to her to be worthy of such devotion.”
My furry ones have taught me much about love and giving and relationships.
l would like to share with you the story of our Beautiful
and loving Burmese cat Princess who sadly passed away this autumn.
Princess was greatly loved by all our family.
She was amazing with my Mother who was diagnosed with cancer,
and grieved along with us when my Mother lost her battle several years ago:
We thought we would lose Princess too; she refused to eat for a long time:
l showered her with love and she responded by making a good recovery.
While l was in the Uk this summer she pined and sadly was ill; this time
not recovering: l truthfully can say that she was like a member of our family
and that all animals do enhance in so many ways our lives:
All other animals, add value to human animals. I personally do not have a pet as I will at this stage cause harm than to allow it to be just. I moved to an apartment that is really not pet friendly. I however in my encounter with animals enjoy the time I spend with them and connect somehow spiritually.
Where Im from animals are regarded mainly as second class, even third class. people tend to make excuses of the past government and apartheid and poverty, but only if they can see the value the animals bring to humanity, they can and will have a change of heart. Kindness and compassion to animals extrapolated to humanity and what we South Africans call UBUNTU.
I wasn’t really a pet person as my experiences with dogs as a kid were not the nicest being bitten by one and chased around the streets of PJ, Malaysia by many until I met my ex-wife, Jennifer in Perth, Australia who introduced me to her pets and from then, I got an appreciation of their unconditional love they showed towards her and her family.
When Jennifer brought home our first Shih Tzu cross Maltese puppy, OMG, he, Brodie, was the cuties, most adorable furry ball of fluff I’ve ever seen. Like a new born child, we went through the 2 hourly feeding, pee embarraments, nightly howling as he was either scared being alone or just spoilt and wanted to be with us in our bed, learning to walk and into everything he could reach and always making a mess somewhere around the house and like a child, would show us those sad eyes if he got told off for being naughty as children do.
We hated leaving him home alone when we went to work and within a year, we got another, Cassie, and she was also the same breed cross and too was a ball of fluff that we instantly fell in love with. In my opinion, they were to us, our children we never had and was treated with all the love and care, we could give them from the nutritious food to the medications, annual checkup and vet visits when they were sick. As they were so well groomed, (mostly by Jennifer) we also allowed them to sleep with us, keeping our feet warm in winter and awaking us with extreme effection and glee as soon as we stirred in bed to awake. Wet faces and ears to wake up to…ummm.
Even after our divorce, you could see the glee in their faces when I visited and sadness in their faces when I had to leave therefore, concluding that they are certainly effected by our emotional upset and too feel the emotions both good and bad.
So in summary, is having a relationship with an animal stop or keep us from having a normal, loving relationship with another person, NO, for sure, we become more loving and caring to others and infact, it raises the bar as to how we should be loved and cared for by others and not just settle because we are lonely or feeling that the clock is ticking.
Having a pet allows us as humans to care for another living being as the pets depend on us for their existance from bathing to grooming, from feeding to external exercise and wellness so before you go out buying your first best friend? Make sure you can committ to him or her fully. Look deep into their eyes at the shop or pound and make a bond/pack as you would with your new partner that you will always love, care and never abandon them because it will be stained on your conscience forever if you break the promise.
I know it all sounds very mellow dramatic, and it is, but the fun times having a pet way out weighs the downtimes and guess what, when you have an argument with your partner, you got someone to talk to who doesn’t judge you, listens without answering back and will always make you feel like a million dollars when you feel like crap and will help you celebrate when you feel great. So, GO OUT AND GET your first best friend, who knows, you might even meet your next best friend (of the human kind) because Loves Always Finds a Way.
I am sure there are pet/human boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed. However, pet owners tend to live longer, healthier lives. That the question is even raised says more about the questioner’s attitude about relationships. Anything can get in the way of “real” communication; pets, children, hobbies and can be a way of avoiding healthy human adult interaction. The word “pet” could be substituted for any worthwhile activity. All in moderation folks…..
FYI: Pets are not children but they’re really great.
Since my last child left the nest this year my standing has moved from 6th place to 5th after two dogs and three cats, not all living.
“NO! Animals keep our hearts wide so that we can have normal, loving relationships w/other people.”
I wasn’t really a pet person as my experiences with dogs as a kid were not the nicest being bitten by one and chased around the streets of PJ, Malaysia by many until I met my ex-wife, Jennifer in Perth, Australia who introduced me to her pets and from then, I got an appreciation of their unconditional love they showed towards her and her family.
When Jennifer brought home our first Shih Tzu cross Maltese puppy, OMG, he, Brodie, was the cuties, most adorable furry ball of fluff I’ve ever seen. Like a new born child, we went through the 2 hourly feeding, pee embarraments, nightly howling as he was either scared being alone or just spoilt and wanted to be with us in our bed, learning to walk and into everything he could reach and always making a mess somewhere around the house and like a child, would show us those sad eyes if he got told off for being naughty as children do.
We hated leaving him home alone when we went to work and within a year, we got another, Cassie, and she was also the same breed cross and too was a ball of fluff that we instantly fell in love with. In my opinion, they were to us, our children we never had and was treated with all the love and care, we could give them from the nutritious food to the medications, annual checkup and vet visits when they were sick. As they were so well groomed, (mostly by Jennifer) we also allowed them to sleep with us, keeping our feet warm in winter and awaking us with extreme effection and glee as soon as we stirred in bed to awake. Wet faces and ears to wake up to…ummm.
Even after our divorce, you could see the glee in their faces when I visited and sadness in their faces when I had to leave therefore, concluding that they are certainly effected by our emotional upset and too feel the emotions both good and bad.
So in summary, is having a relationship with an animal stop or keep us from having a normal, loving relationship with another person, NO, for sure, we become more loving and caring to others and infact, it raises the bar as to how we should be loved and cared for by others and not just settle because we are lonely or feeling that the clock is ticking.
Having a pet allows us as humans to care for another living being as the pets depend on us for their existance from bathing to grooming, from feeding to external exercise and wellness so before you go out buying your first best friend? Make sure you can committ to him or her fully. Look deep into their eyes at the shop or pound and make a bond/pack as you would with your new partner that you will always love, care and never abandon them because it will be stained on your conscience forever if you break the promise.
I know it all sounds very mellow dramatic, and it is, but the fun times having a pet way out weighs the downtimes and guess what, when you have an argument with your partner, you got someone to talk to who doesn’t judge you, listens without answering back and will always make you feel like a million dollars when you feel like crap and will help you celebrate when you feel great. So, GO OUT AND GET your first best friend, who knows, you might even meet your next best friend (of the human kind) because Loves Always Finds a Way.
It is a fascinating discussion and one that could go on and on. (Blog time?) I’m sure we have all thought about it before, but it’s interesting to hear different points of view. Thanks for opening it up for discussion.
As founder of the course Reflections: My Animal, My Mirror, My Self I have deep admiration for what animals are willing to reflect back to us about our inner world. Fear of being close, being timid, and relationship issues are but a drop in the bucket as to what are animals are willing to reflect. If there is a situation that has kept someone from getting close in a relationship it is an outward clue to an inside world. The scenarios are as varied as the individuals an animal lives with.
I like animals better than I like most people. Animals don’t care where you work, what you wear, or how much money you have. I’m happy to be best friends with my cat, Meow. When people give me nothing but grief, Meow is my favorite therapy–he curls up next to me and purrs away, and he’s never sent me an invoice for his time.
I think it depends on the person. Some individuals that may have suffered social exclusion at a younger age from friends or even family, and may find they prefer the company of their pets. Hence they would for instance, buy more for their pets at Christmas than their friends. Or, there are those who feel the need to baby something and there are no babies around.
To be honest I am an animal lover, from hamsters to hyenas, love them all. So much that I used to always read animal books and memorise the discovery channel specials. Saying that, my personal relationships are not affected, and I know of other people that have pets and still maintain wholesome social relations. Animals are great, and we couldn’t live without them, but we must remember, they are of course animals. And they need us to treat them as such. Or else they get confused!
In my experience, people who have never had pets have trouble being empathetic and, sometimes, trouble with being really loving to other people. People with pets seem to me to be the most loving, warm, “normal” people around, with a robust social life and lots of friends. Do you have actual research that says otherwise?
If I wouldn’t know human kind any better, your question would make me think that all people are madly in love with animals which keeps them from having normal, loving relationships with other people.
I never heard of such a thing.
We must not think that humans deserve more love than animals. People who can’t appreciate animals and treat them badly, hurt them, let them suffer and can’t love them, are exactly the same people, who can’t have normal, loving relationships with other people. A person beating a dog would not hesitate to beat children or women.
Often people choose animals over people and I can’t blame them.
Not animals are keeping humans from having good relationships, it is humans keeping humans from loving other people. Period.
Your comment that “we must not think that humans deserve more love than animals” brought tears to my eyes! That is so true!
I think its so unfair that animals be put to sleep due to lack of homes. Humans would never be treated that way–why should animals???
Living with animals, we learn a lot about ourselves…our strengths and weaknesses…this only aids our ability to have healthy relationships with other humans.
Animals are theraputic…they are loving…they do not judge…I’m not sure there are any down sides to having a strong bond with another species.
I would say also when one person chooses to have the dog sleep with them and the sig other has to sleep elsewhere there is a big problem in the relationship.
On the flip side your love for pets could lead you to a relationship with another pet lover. You could start a wonderful relationship with someone at the dog park, pet store, or vet.
Absolutely NOT. Competely the opposite. Sometimes we need unconditional, unbiased, undemanding love and where else will you get that but from your furry companion.
I believe animals ENHANCE our ability to have normal, loving, compassionate relationships. They open our hearts.
Well, when you see some lady with 150 or more cats in her 1000 sqft home. I’d have to say, yes.
When you see the single girl or guy with the puppy at the beach or local dog park. I’d say no.
Connecting with animals is often easier than connecting with people. Animals are straight-forward. People are more complex. Pets will never abandon you. They don’t have ulterior motives or political aspirations. They are loving and loyal and your biggest fan! You don’t really get that from most people. I don’t think bonding with animals prohibits people from bonding with other people. Perhaps some people already had difficulty forming strong human relationships. Connecting with animals can only help these folks. Even if it is just to connect with others about the welfare of animals.
Our relationships with animals only enforce the wisdom of knowing which relationships are worthy of our time and energy. They make us more selective and intuitive in our choices.